CBS Replaces Charlie Sheen With a Monkey!

I am sick and tired of hearing about Charlie Sheen.   I barely watch TV, and certainly not the gossipy shows that live off the detritus of train wrecks like Carlos Estevez (his real name, by the way)—so for me to even be writing this means that this story is everywhere.  And I do not like having it invade my space!

For those of you living under rocks or on some secluded island, Charlie Sheen is a television actor on a popular situation comedy who is too screwed up to show up for work.  As a health and fitness guru, not to mention a self-help and personal development guy, I do have some empathy for the messed up Charlie’s of the world—in fact, I would love to be the person who helps him and sets him on the path to enlightenment and recovery.  But, alas, Charlie does not want help or feels he needs it.  He is cool with who he is and how his behavior not only affects himself, but those around him.  Still, I would be more than willing to work with him…if he asks.

Since I’ve not received any SOS flare from Chuck, I have instead decided to offer up a few suggestions on how CBS, the most-watched television network in these United States, should handle the sad case of Charlie Sheen.

REPLACE HIM WITH A MONKEY!!

Here are the bottom-line, no-nonsense facts: Charlie Sheen is just an actor, a very lucky actor who was able to take mediocre talent and transform it, along with an established family name, into an amazing career.  He has been paid outrageous amounts of money for, basically, standing in front of a camera and reciting bad lines of dialogue that make millions laugh.  Now, there’s nothing wrong with making people laugh.  I think finding humor in things throughout the day is a necessity in living one’s life to its fullest, along with being one of the essences of living a healthy life.

But Sheen is just a guy who has a job that reaches millions…but IT’S JUST A JOB!  AND HE’S JUST A GUY!  AND HE DID NOT SHOW UP FOR WORK BECAUSE OF SELFISH REASONS AND THAT HAS AFFECTED HIS COWORKERS' LIVELIHOOD!!

The simple solution is to replace him.  If I behaved like Charlie has behaved, I would, indeed, be fired, terminated, axed, canned, let go, replaced, and FIRED (again!).  Why?  Because you cannot get away with being bigger than the job.  If you do not comply with what is asked of you by your employer, then you will not be employed.  End of story.

CBS can and should fire Sheen.  And replace him with…not a monkey.  That was my way of getting the attention of the masses (and CBS).    But replace him with any of the hundreds of talented, working actors out there looking for a break.

That’s why I suggest that CBS have a reality-themed show designed to replace Sheen.  Find ten hungry, talented, funny, out-of-work actors, put them all in one apartment, and have one replace Sheen each week on “Two and a Half Men.”  At the end of the ten-week talent search, and after creating a ratings powerhouse, the new “Charlie” is revealed.  Everybody wins.  The current cast of the show, who, because of the selfish antics of their star are not making a living, get to work and get paid.  And someone new on the horizon, as good as but more than likely better than Sheen, gets his shot at stardom.

And best yet, the audience, you out there who need laughter to end your day after having to scrape and toil for your daily bread and gasoline, you, my friend, gets to chuckle during dinner, a necessary respite, delivered by a fresh face, hopefully sans chemicals and attitude, that will make you smile…and not give a moment’s thought to Carlos Estevez.

Life is too short to put up with the Charlie Sheen’s of the world.  Think about it.  If this guy lived next door to you or, heaven forbid, were related to you, would you allow him to continue with such bizarre, destructive, and repugnant behavior?  No, you would see that he seeks help…and change the channel, in hope of discovering something to take your mind off your troubles.  And have a jolly chortle or two in the meantime.

Until next time…

peace,

Mike