Sunday, March 6, 2011

CBS Replaces Charlie Sheen With a Monkey!

I am sick and tired of hearing about Charlie Sheen.   I barely watch TV, and certainly not the gossipy shows that live off the detritus of train wrecks like Carlos Estevez (his real name, by the way)—so for me to even be writing this means that this story is everywhere.  And I do not like having it invade my space!

For those of you living under rocks or on some secluded island, Charlie Sheen is a television actor on a popular situation comedy who is too screwed up to show up for work.  As a health and fitness guru, not to mention a self-help and personal development guy, I do have some empathy for the messed up Charlie’s of the world—in fact, I would love to be the person who helps him and sets him on the path to enlightenment and recovery.  But, alas, Charlie does not want help or feels he needs it.  He is cool with who he is and how his behavior not only affects himself, but those around him.  Still, I would be more than willing to work with him…if he asks.

Since I’ve not received any SOS flare from Chuck, I have instead decided to offer up a few suggestions on how CBS, the most-watched television network in these United States, should handle the sad case of Charlie Sheen.


Here are the bottom-line, no-nonsense facts: Charlie Sheen is just an actor, a very lucky actor who was able to take mediocre talent and transform it, along with an established family name, into an amazing career.  He has been paid outrageous amounts of money for, basically, standing in front of a camera and reciting bad lines of dialogue that make millions laugh.  Now, there’s nothing wrong with making people laugh.  I think finding humor in things throughout the day is a necessity in living one’s life to its fullest, along with being one of the essences of living a healthy life.


The simple solution is to replace him.  If I behaved like Charlie has behaved, I would, indeed, be fired, terminated, axed, canned, let go, replaced, and FIRED (again!).  Why?  Because you cannot get away with being bigger than the job.  If you do not comply with what is asked of you by your employer, then you will not be employed.  End of story.

CBS can and should fire Sheen.  And replace him with…not a monkey.  That was my way of getting the attention of the masses (and CBS).    But replace him with any of the hundreds of talented, working actors out there looking for a break.

That’s why I suggest that CBS have a reality-themed show designed to replace Sheen.  Find ten hungry, talented, funny, out-of-work actors, put them all in one apartment, and have one replace Sheen each week on “Two and a Half Men.”  At the end of the ten-week talent search, and after creating a ratings powerhouse, the new “Charlie” is revealed.  Everybody wins.  The current cast of the show, who, because of the selfish antics of their star are not making a living, get to work and get paid.  And someone new on the horizon, as good as but more than likely better than Sheen, gets his shot at stardom.

And best yet, the audience, you out there who need laughter to end your day after having to scrape and toil for your daily bread and gasoline, you, my friend, gets to chuckle during dinner, a necessary respite, delivered by a fresh face, hopefully sans chemicals and attitude, that will make you smile…and not give a moment’s thought to Carlos Estevez.

Life is too short to put up with the Charlie Sheen’s of the world.  Think about it.  If this guy lived next door to you or, heaven forbid, were related to you, would you allow him to continue with such bizarre, destructive, and repugnant behavior?  No, you would see that he seeks help…and change the channel, in hope of discovering something to take your mind off your troubles.  And have a jolly chortle or two in the meantime.

Until next time…




Terrans said...

Hi Mike,

I had a blast reading your article. You are completely right, for a regular people like us; we will be immediately fired, publicly embarrassed and eliminated immediately from the professional field with consequences. Next time one regular person who applies for a job like Chuck, will not be able to get it because he has to convince the new employer he is changed person. In real life, behavior like this is not tolerated anywhere and you will be staying home without a job. Since Chuck is a super star he acts like one and he believes he is not a regular person and regular rules do not apply to him.

Peace from Terrans, Come to visit when having more time:,

Susan Blake said...

Hi Mike! Boy I'm with you - as always! (Yeah, you grabbed me, ha!) Ya know, people DO watch junk tv as well as eat junk foods and it is all part of the sad level of unconsciousness on today's planet. It is hard to watch the waste of everything - time, energy and resources. Live IS too short!
Peace - and hugs,

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These are really funny videos. He is really jolly guy. I impressed with his sense of humor.

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Anonymous said...

Hey cuz, I always enjoy your reality checks and you are always so spot on. Hope to see you both soon. Hopefully this summer if the gas prices don't get too out of control!

Cindy and Dave

Pearl said...

Hi Mike! I like your ideas:-) Just fantastic...they should not at all stop the show altogether, there are lots of employees who would lose their jobs. I think the followers of two and a half men would watch the show even if somebody replace Charlie. One thing's sure, he (the replacement)would be better whoever he is.

Missy said...

Hi, Mike:

I agree with just about everything in your rant, except your repeated (sarcastic) mention of his Spanish last name.

He's not a classless irresponsible jerk because he's Hispanic, if that's what you're implying. He's a jerk, period. His birth name of Carlos Estevez has nothing to do with it.

His name is Charlie Sheen and this is how he has been regarded all his life, during the GOOD times. I think it's ridiculous that now that he's not in good terms, his Spanish name is being mentioned left and right like it's a bad thing. A Scarlett letter.

If during his drunken, drugged days he was known and accepted as Charlie Sheen - then this is what he should stick to. We don't want him.

As a Hispanic, I take great offense to his birth name being flung around like (that's) the reason he is a big fat jerk. It isn't.

It's because he is a Charlie Sheen, not a Carlos Estevez.

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