Oceanfront Condo Etiquette

I have been enjoying my island stay at the timeshare condo my wife and I are fortunate enough to have on the scenic island of Maui.  While it has been another wonderful vacation away from it all, it always is a transition, for me at least, in the ways of the condo and connected-wall-community.  I live on a few acres in a house with neighbors scattered to and fro, sometimes inflicting their will (and ridiculously barking dogs and screaming children) on my tranquility, but nothing like existing side-by-side with neighbors, literally, breathing down your neck.

So, here are my rules of condo etiquette…more to the point:

Rules of Oceanside Condo Etiquette

1. Shut up!  If for some unknown reason you think that your voice is more important and compelling and needs to be heard over the soothing and meditative roar of the ocean, you need to visit a doctor specializing in mental health.  Again, for those hard of hearing or just challenged because your nasal twang of ignorance is imbedded in their ear, SHUT UP!

2. Shut up!  If for some reason you didn’t understand the above rule, I must reiterate that you need to stop talking.  And really, really stop talking so loud as to permeate my lanai.  If you really need to express yourself with loud adjectives and inane adverbs, do so in the rear bowels of your condo, with the hope that your piercing and annoying voice still does not penetrate and violate those of us sitting and reading in hopeful quietude.

3. Again, Shut the Frig up!  Do you really think that you need to discuss your so important business on your smart phone on your lanai?  Utilizing the speaker phone?  So all of us losers can understand how important you are with a nod toward how truly tiny your miniscule penis must be?  Come on, Mister CEO, do us all a favor and shove that cell up your butt and relax and enjoy the scenery.

4. This may sound redundant, but: SHUT UP!!      Do you really need to stand on the grass and yell up three floors to your significant other discussing what he/she needs to do next on this gradually turning to hell vacation?  Really?  Or you, Mister douchbag on the top floor lanai, screaming down to your spouse what coral reefs appear best for snorkeling?  If I have not been clear before, may I just now suggest shutting the hell up?

5. And for those that are hearing impaired (not that there’s anything wrong with that), ahem, please shut up?  Your loud and obnoxious soirée beside the barbeque, with the booze and screaming and oh, so, frigging funny jokes, is meant for few others to enjoy…meaning - ONLY YOU!  No one else gives a rat’s ass about any of your banal word play or endless meandering stories…so, please, for all of us…shut the hell up!

There are other rules, most as obvious as a zit on the tip of your nose, like:

•     Your kid is not as cute as you think it is, so try to refrain from allowing it to act like a monkey
•     don’t smoke…anywhere!!!
•     don’t slam your door
•     Just because you can’t sleep, giving that your ten hour time difference is running havoc with your inner clock, do not think we all want to hear your b.s. at five a.m.
•     Your perfume is not as alluring as you may think it is, so stop sharing it with us
•     Put more clothes on
•     Turn your TV off - is anything on that idiot box more interesting than what’s outside your window?  If you answer yes to the above, jump off your lanai, please.

So, while this was a tough love Foster livelife365 post, it was done with humor and satire in mind.  But also with a message to all you clueless and selfish folks out there that think your little slice of the world is more important than the rest of ours is…to you people I suggest:

SHUTTING UP!

And enjoying the moment, your life, and the fact that you can afford an Oceanside condo to misbehave in.

Until next time…

Peace,

Mike
livelife365

Maui Avocado! WOW!

Aloha from Ireland...huh?

Okay, so maybe just greetings from the Emerald Island, where this post is being transmitted.  Besides my lingering jetlag, my confusuion stems from my desire to be back on Maui...and the size of this amazing avocado. 

I could have called this post:

THE ATTACK OF THE KILLER AVOCADO!!

And these babies were killer - killer tasting, that is.  I love Maui avocados even more than the California-grown Hass variety, which before encountering the above monster, were once my favorite.

I don't think you really can see from the above pic what I am talking about.  Maybe this photo will help demonstrate the size of this beast.  And while size is good, the taste is even better.

Is that a Maui avocado, or are you just happy to see me?

All of these fun and delicious recollections have moved me to reprint one of my favorite posts.  Please enjoy:

VIVA AVOCADO!

As much as I love eating avocados today, it's hard to imagine that I didn't taste my first one until I was well into my twenties. I grew up in a small town in a small New England state. Our foods of choice leaned more toward clam cakes and chowder than tacos and enchiladas. Avocado? I hadn't a clue what one was.
And don't even get me going about guacomole. Guaca...huh?


I understand that the avocado existed when I was growing up Back East, and they may even have been available at the local grocery store where my mother shopped. But mom never purchased one, never brought one of those green-skinned babies home. Believe it or not, I did not know WHAT an avocado WAS until I relocated to sunny California in the mid-80's. And even then, I wasn't sure what to do with one or how to eat it.

Today, avocados seem more popular and prevalent in everyday cuisine. In most restaurants you can find them chopped atop salads, sliced in between sandwiches, and, in its most popular form, as guacamole, that amazing green nacho-chip-dipping-taste-sensation.

While your mouth is watering, consider these interesting facts about the avocado:

• a member of the berry family, avocado is a fruit, not vegetable
• the Aztecs named it after the word, ahuacatl, which meant "testicle," because of its shape
• they have been around since 900 A.D.
•  they have been grown in North America since 1856
•  also known as the alligator pear, Jamaicans call them pears

(for more fascinating information about the avocado, visit this site)

Most of you by now have tasted avocados, but if you still are like I was, back in the day, you should give them a try. You don't know what you are missing. But do you know the best way to cut one open? Here's a video that will help:



Hey, next time you have that chip loaded with guac, happily remind yourself that besides enjoying a delicious snack, you are also getting:

• 10 grams of dietary fiber
•  more potassium than one banana
• vitamins E and B
• 10 grams of the good fats (monounsaturated and polyunsaturated)

RED FLAG!

While very healthy for you, avocados are also high in calories and fats. The good news: these are the good fats--monounsaturated and polyunsaturated. These are heart-healthy fats and help lower LDL (bad cholesterol).

The bad news, for those counting calories or watching their weight, is that an average size avocado has around 300 calories--so tread carefully. I know that I can eat one all by myself, diced, with a sprinkle of sea salt.
Try it! In moderation.

It's hard to imagine that I spent half my life deprived of the succulent taste of avocado. Maybe that's why I've spent the last twenty-five years eating more than my share, trying to make up for lost time.

You should too!

Always remember that you can watch hundreds of self-help videos about health and nutrition, and any number of other topics, at livelife365.com.

Until next time...

peace,

Mike

Aloha!

Aloha from Maui!  Please enjoy this helpful and humorous video I created on how to eat a coconut.  I picked that baby up yesterday at the local farmer's market.  Enjoy!

Mahalo and peace,

Mike

livelife365 

mikes daily

Odds and Ends...

"If your compassion does not include yourself, it is incomplete."--Buddha

I think I will call today: Pat Yourself On The Back Day. Cut yourself some slack, take a deep breath and show yourself a little compassion. Sure, spread that compassion around to others, but save a bit for yourself. I like that quote. Let me know what you think of it.

When In Doubt, Go To Vegas!

That quote is all mine, and my meaning is along the same lines with the words of wisdom from our good friend Buddha. Treat yourself to a getaway from what ails you. And if nothing ails you...then you are not human. We all need a break from the routine of life, and what better place to escape from the real world than Vegas? My lovely wife and I are by no means major gamblers, but we enjoy a trip at least once a year to Sin City. While we're there we think of little but having a good time, dining well, shopping (books for me; lots of stuff for her!), and getting lost inside the never-ending world of the casinos. Try it, you may like it. If not, go to Maui. I know you'll love that.

Why Am I Screaming At A Robotic Voice!

I don't know about you, but I have zero patience when it comes to those automated voices that try to talk to you like they are real people. You know the one's I'm talking about: you're calling customer service for something that nine times out of ten already has you a bit tweaked off. Now, while waiting patiently through a queue of recordings and lists and misdirection and bad music, you expect to be greeted by someone human, a person, a living being that can engage in conversation, no matter how primitive. But instead, all too often, we get this fake, robotic voice, programed to ask questions, pretend to understand your answer, than try to converse with you. AND THE WHOLE TIME WE ALL KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT A PERSON! Why do they do this to us? Do they really think that we don't know that this is not a real person? Is it just me, or do you feel silly talking to this automated voice? I hope it's not just me. Invariably, I find myself poking an angry finger at the Zero on the phone pad, begging, crying, pleading for a human voice to rescue me from this robotic one that is misunderstanding everything I am telling it. Please, customer service centers, get rid of this evil device and you will save the few remaining brown hairs on my head, as well as a handful of fast eroding brain cells.

Why Can't The Red Sox Win On The Road?

I haven't blogged about my favorite sports team in a long time. Sadly, I must report that the Sawks, as they call them back in New England, while owning the best home record in baseball, are dismal on the road, away from friendly Fenway Park. There are lots of theories, including travel, comfort, fatigue, fan support. All those contribute, I'm sure, but in baseball it often comes down to pitching. And on the road, the visiting team seems to blow out their bullpens more often than the home ball club. Or maybe their road uniforms fit funny. No matter the reason, they are not a lot of fun to watch while in their visiting grays.

That's all for now. I hope everyone has a stellar day.

Until next time...

peace,
Mike