Through Death We Learn About Life

This past Saturday marked nineteen years since my father passed away. Nineteen years! I will never forget the haunting wail of that early morning telephone call from my brother, the ominous sensation tugging at my flesh as my fingers found the receiver and I knew that nothing good would come from my lifting it to my groggy head. My goodness, I had brown hair back then, and it filled the majority of my head! I was living in Southern California, in the midst of another bad marriage, juggling several vices that were on the threshold of dragging me down into a hole of depression and angst that would take me years to climb out of.

Nineteen years.

While the pain is no longer fresh, the grief not as insurmountable as it once seemed, the loss, the void my father’s passing left in me, is as substantial now as it was then. Sure, I can conjure up a good sob every once and a while, whenever the mood beckons and I feel the need to let go. But while way back in the day those bouts of sadness were often accompanied by fits of anger at my father not taking better care of himself, and then guilt, for not cutting my old man a break, I have grown from the experience, changed for the better.

Nineteen years.

You see, my father’s death, while still one of the most awful events that has ever affected me, changed my life. His death, in fact, could be said to have created livelife365. (So if you dislike this site, blame my dad, but beware, he has been known to make a special appearance every now and then and may just take some pleasure in haunting you!). And while I would give anything to have him back in my life again, enjoying his companionship and influence, watching him age as gracefully as my mother, I do not dwell on his death; not anymore. As I said, my father’s death changed my life.

REFLECTIONS ON DEATH...AND LIFE



My father was very human, meaning he had many flaws, like we all do. He was a heavy drinker, a lifelong smoker, someone who overindulged in more than a few meals, and often struggled to make ends meet. He died well before his time, in my mind at least, just midway into his fifties (only a few years older than I am). But he also instilled in me the self confidence and belief in myself that has helped to make me the man I am today. As a young boy I can still feel the power of my father’s motivational words, telling me that I could be anything I wanted to be…as long as I believed in myself.

But it was my father’s vices, more that his attributes, that propelled me to change my life for the better. Not long after he died, I took inventory of myself and did not like what I saw. I was overweight, boozing it up, smoking, depressed, in a bad marriage (another one), working at a job that I did not like, and, literally, wasting my time on earth. His death, at first, only made me worse—I actually started drinking more, if that was possible (yes, it was, by the way), and fell into a deeper depression.

And then something snapped inside me. It was the first Father’s Day after he died. I had hit all-time lows with my drinking, smoking, overeating, job performance; I was separated from my wife, living in a one-room apartment, seeing a therapist that wasn’t helping.

Somehow I found an inner strength that had always been there, just buried through years and years of confusion and abuse. I figured out how to stop drinking, cold turkey, with only my determination and desire (and the memory of my father) to guide me. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started exercising. I picked up a book, then another, and another, beginning my autodidactic journey of knowledge that I am still addicted to. I learned about nutrition and addiction, overcoming grief and understanding self. And I read tons of fiction, too…just because I loved it! Why? Because when I stopped drinking myself to sleep each night, I suddenly had all this time on my hands, all this extra energy, and it was like I was a new person, a better person.

I changed my life through my dad’s death.

Nineteen years.

There have been plenty of ups and downs throughout those nineteen years, several other lifestyle changes and challenges. But some things have never changed, and those are my thoughts on the importance of life. Not wasting your life. Not allowing anything to get in the way of doing all that you want and have to do with the precious time we have on earth.

THE PARADOX OF LIFE



But also understanding that life is life. It can be as cruel and uncertain as it is wondrous and rewarding. It is up to each of us to take what we can from it, while never taking it for granted or expecting from it anything that is not earned through sweat and tears and compassion and love.

My dad died nineteen years ago this past week and it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. And the best. The lessons he taught me while alive, while valuable and influential, were nothing compared to what he taught me through his death.

Rest in peace, Dad. I love you.

Until next time…


peace,


Mike
livelife365.com