Through Death We Learn About Life

This past Saturday marked nineteen years since my father passed away. Nineteen years! I will never forget the haunting wail of that early morning telephone call from my brother, the ominous sensation tugging at my flesh as my fingers found the receiver and I knew that nothing good would come from my lifting it to my groggy head. My goodness, I had brown hair back then, and it filled the majority of my head! I was living in Southern California, in the midst of another bad marriage, juggling several vices that were on the threshold of dragging me down into a hole of depression and angst that would take me years to climb out of.

Nineteen years.

While the pain is no longer fresh, the grief not as insurmountable as it once seemed, the loss, the void my father’s passing left in me, is as substantial now as it was then. Sure, I can conjure up a good sob every once and a while, whenever the mood beckons and I feel the need to let go. But while way back in the day those bouts of sadness were often accompanied by fits of anger at my father not taking better care of himself, and then guilt, for not cutting my old man a break, I have grown from the experience, changed for the better.

Nineteen years.

You see, my father’s death, while still one of the most awful events that has ever affected me, changed my life. His death, in fact, could be said to have created livelife365. (So if you dislike this site, blame my dad, but beware, he has been known to make a special appearance every now and then and may just take some pleasure in haunting you!). And while I would give anything to have him back in my life again, enjoying his companionship and influence, watching him age as gracefully as my mother, I do not dwell on his death; not anymore. As I said, my father’s death changed my life.

REFLECTIONS ON DEATH...AND LIFE



My father was very human, meaning he had many flaws, like we all do. He was a heavy drinker, a lifelong smoker, someone who overindulged in more than a few meals, and often struggled to make ends meet. He died well before his time, in my mind at least, just midway into his fifties (only a few years older than I am). But he also instilled in me the self confidence and belief in myself that has helped to make me the man I am today. As a young boy I can still feel the power of my father’s motivational words, telling me that I could be anything I wanted to be…as long as I believed in myself.

But it was my father’s vices, more that his attributes, that propelled me to change my life for the better. Not long after he died, I took inventory of myself and did not like what I saw. I was overweight, boozing it up, smoking, depressed, in a bad marriage (another one), working at a job that I did not like, and, literally, wasting my time on earth. His death, at first, only made me worse—I actually started drinking more, if that was possible (yes, it was, by the way), and fell into a deeper depression.

And then something snapped inside me. It was the first Father’s Day after he died. I had hit all-time lows with my drinking, smoking, overeating, job performance; I was separated from my wife, living in a one-room apartment, seeing a therapist that wasn’t helping.

Somehow I found an inner strength that had always been there, just buried through years and years of confusion and abuse. I figured out how to stop drinking, cold turkey, with only my determination and desire (and the memory of my father) to guide me. I stopped feeling sorry for myself and started exercising. I picked up a book, then another, and another, beginning my autodidactic journey of knowledge that I am still addicted to. I learned about nutrition and addiction, overcoming grief and understanding self. And I read tons of fiction, too…just because I loved it! Why? Because when I stopped drinking myself to sleep each night, I suddenly had all this time on my hands, all this extra energy, and it was like I was a new person, a better person.

I changed my life through my dad’s death.

Nineteen years.

There have been plenty of ups and downs throughout those nineteen years, several other lifestyle changes and challenges. But some things have never changed, and those are my thoughts on the importance of life. Not wasting your life. Not allowing anything to get in the way of doing all that you want and have to do with the precious time we have on earth.

THE PARADOX OF LIFE



But also understanding that life is life. It can be as cruel and uncertain as it is wondrous and rewarding. It is up to each of us to take what we can from it, while never taking it for granted or expecting from it anything that is not earned through sweat and tears and compassion and love.

My dad died nineteen years ago this past week and it was the worst thing that ever happened to me. And the best. The lessons he taught me while alive, while valuable and influential, were nothing compared to what he taught me through his death.

Rest in peace, Dad. I love you.

Until next time…


peace,


Mike
livelife365.com

Is Life Worth Living?

The other day, I received an email from a recent visitor to this blog and my video site . I get my share of comments and feedback and welcome them in any form, especially from those seeking my advice or requesting a special video just for them. This particular email was from a young man in his late teens, a difficult time in a young man’s life, for sure, often fraught with confusion and questions. In his email, he questioned the purpose of living a healthy life, while denying oneself many of the excessive vices that we all are tempted by, when, in the end, we all are going to die anyway. I was so impressed with this young man’s letter, while equally moved emotionally by his confusion and need for some guidance, that I created this video:

Ask Mike: Is Life Worth Living?



My teenaged friend offers up a good point: Why, indeed, should we exercise, maintain a healthy weight, eschew excess, when we are all stamped with a termination date? The answer seems obvious, but it is not. I should know, for I have, in the past, abused alcohol, drugs, food, tobacco, and life. I have lived that unfulfilled life, that life with little or no purpose other than to sate one’s desires, to grab as much gusto as possible without care for the repercussions. And you know what? I didn’t like it, wasn't productive, and, most certainly, was not enjoying my life, nor living up to my potential.

Why? Because we are put here for a reason. I firmly believe that each one of us has a specific purpose that we must pursue throughout our lifetimes, be it a few years or ten decades. I also feel that to not do this is in essence wasting one’s life. It is not only vital to live your life to its fullest every day, seeking your true reason for being, but it is your obligation as a human being. It is what separates us from all other species that inhabit this planet.

Bringing me back to the letter that inspired this post:

Is Life Worth Living?

I say, yes, of course, it has to be, right? But for too many it just may not be. One of the motivating reasons behind livelife365.com , was the prospect of being able to reach as many people as possible, many of them questioning their purpose in life or needing assistance with weight loss or nutritional advice, and then being able to help them change their lives. Helping them see that their time on earth is valuable and precious. Helping them live life every day in every way.

I like to say that Your Life is a Novel; Make it a Good One. We all know the difference between reading a good book and a bad one. Our life, like a good novel, should be filled with so much purpose on every page that you can’t wait to see what happens next, while savoring what just transpired.

The French have an expression: Raison d‘etre. It simply means: Reason For Being.

Once you find your reason for being, whatever it is, you will find your answer to the question: Is Life Worth Living?

I look at the young man who wrote to me questioning his own reason for being as an inspiration, a reminder of what my raison d’etre is. I feel that I have been put on this earth to assist as many people as possible, helping them achieve their life goals along the road to self-development and self improvement. Whether with a laugh or a pat on the back, a self-deprecating anecdote or inspired moment from my past, I feel that it is my duty as a human being, my purpose, to help others improve their lives.

We only have one life, one chance to do something with our short time on earth, one opportunity that should never, ever be taken for granted or wasted. Am I saying life is all hard work and no fun? No, not at all, but life takes a lot of effort and sacrifice to be successful and fulfilled. The key is moderation and finding the balance, along with continuous self-study and research; oh, and don't forget to have some fun along the way. No one said it was easy, but I will say that if you work hard each day the benefits will far outweigh the effort.

Is Life Worth Living?


I hope I have answered that question in the most positive fashion. For more inspired self-help please continue to drop by this blog and visit my video site, livelife365.com. And also keep living your life, every day in every way.

Until next time…

peace,

Mike

Near-Death? More Life!

We all saw it, that amazing photo of the plane that went down in the Hudson the other day. All those lucky people standing on the wings of US Airways flight 1549 as it slowly sank into the icy water. Survivors with nothing more than damp shoes and socks as a reminder of what could have been as ferryboats arrived to motor them back to dry land. The pilot, expertly and swiftly reacting to a flock of geese that took out not one but both engines, a reluctant hero. A horrible disaster averted. Elation, rather than tragedy, painting the faces of not only those who survived and their relieved families, but a recharged country, and world, desperately in need of some good news for a change.

I think I speak for many of you out there when I say that watching your life flash before your eyes, or vicariously viewing it through the eyes of those survivors of that doomed flight, reinvigorates your life. It makes you grateful, true, but also reminds us of the precariousness of life, the gift that we are given every day that allows us to breathe, to live. It also, no doubt, forces us to take accountability for our actions, our lives--are we living our lives, every day, the best we can? And why does it all too often take a near-death experience for us to embrace this precious and fragile thing called life?

Have you ever had a near-death experience? I have, a few of them.



Besides feeling relieved and elated, frightened and thankful, what else can we learn from near-death experiences? The answer, as always, can be found in this blog and my video site, livelife365.com.

LIVE LIFE!
EVERY DAY,
EVERY WAY.

Life, being a precious commodity, should never be taken for granted, and certainly never wasted. But so many of us, myself, at times, included, do just that. We need a near-death, or more optimistically put, a miracle, to awaken inside us what most of us already know. Why is that? I’m not sure, but I feel that sometimes life, with its repetition and routine, its nightly news forecasts of financial doom, war, uncertainty, and sadness, wears us down. To the point of forgetting how wonderful life actually is. And while most of us try to look at the more positive sides of life, we still, more times than we like to admit, forget to greet each day as an opportunity to do something great, practicing patience and kindness, being positive and enterprising, and embracing the gift that has been bestowed upon us. Because, like it or not, we are not going to get out of this alive.

Bringing us back to that miraculous landing on the Hudson that could have started this new year with tragedy, rather than hope. And reminding us how lucky we are.

Now, what are you going to do about it?

Huh?

We just got a fantastic wake-up call. Well, time to wake up, right?

Right. Wake up and not only smell the coffee (or green tea), but embrace this miracle called life every day. To its fullest. By being the best we can be and doing all that we can to live our lives 365.

Until next time…


peace,

Mike

Looking For Good In One Very Bad Year

I hadn’t planned on writing an end of the year post, certainly not while December was still in its early stages. But, more often than not, life gets in the way of many of our best laid plans. And, sad to say, death does too.

2008 has not been a good year. For me, personally, and for most of the world, it seems that this year is one for the books in terms of bad news.

My wife and I, like millions of others (dare I say, billions?), have seen our net worth reduced by numbers too large and ugly to put into print. Yet we both remain employed, still have the wherewithal to earn decent livings, and are thankful for that. But millions of others are unemployed, and from all the forecasts things will certainly get worse before they get better.

But even though those are big challenges to overcome, it’s only money, right? At least you have your health…right?

2008 has been a trying year health-wise for me. My left shoulder began acting up early in the year, to the point where it needed to be surgically repaired, and still is far from one hundred percent. Yet I am thankful that the rest of me is okay. But that’s just me. And it’s only a sore shoulder. Things could be worse.

What if that sore shoulder turned out to be something bigger? It’s not, but, again, that’s just me--I got lucky. Sadly, my brother and his new bride did not.

One of my best memories of this past year was being asked to participate in my brother‘s wedding. In a year often filled with gloom and doom, this joyous event was a nice respite from the darkness. Yet for all its happiness, that day had a foreboding shrouding the event. My new sister-in-law, a lovely bride and the sparkle in my brother’s eye, was sick. They pushed up their nuptials by several months to accommodate her illness. Life and its paradoxes. 2008, that dreadful, yet wonderful, year.

They remain deeply in love and are hanging in there, both doing all that they can to make the best of their situation, doing what we humans often do when facing adversity: persevere, deal and cope, live life.

Life.

And death.

The reason I am writing this post today is due to having to fly Back East in a few days to attend a funeral. My step-father, one of the kindest, nicest men I have had the pleasure to meet, and a wonderful companion for my mother over the past eleven years, succumbed to illness and age on the anniversary of the Pearl Harbor invasion. This is significant given that he fought in that war, returned with a wound and a determination to live life to its fullest every day. Which he did for eighty-eight years. My entire family are better people for having known him. And my mom? She’s tough, a survivor. But recovering from losing your love, that person with whom you share your daily existence, takes time.

It will take well into next year, and possibly the next, to fully recover from the many loses felt during this trying year. And that is what this post is really about, what livelife365.com is all about.

Living your life
Every day
Every way
Not letting anyone (or anything)
Stand in your way.

In memory of my step-father, in honor of my mother, with love to my brother, his wife, and the rest of my family (especially my wife and my son [Happy Birthday, Kiddo!]), and to all those who lost someone or something dear to them during this troubling year, I offer you my latest song, "livelife365":

Now playing: livelife365

I hope this inspires you, as it does me, to live your life to its fullest every day. And while 2008 has not been one of the better years in recent memory, it has been a year in your life. Good or bad, it’s your life. Your year. And it should be remembered for that.

Until next time…

peace,

Mike

Happy Belated Father's Day

I am reposting one of my favorite blog entries: This Is Your Time On Earth.
Yesterday's blog, you may have seen, was written by my first Guest Blogger. I hope you read and enjoy my friend Eric's thoughtful post, reflecting on the life and sudden passing of Tim Russert. When someone we love dies, it is always a painful occasion, but when they leave us much too soon, it becomes tragic, all the more difficult to understand and digest. Tim was only fifty-eight; he had a lot of life left to live. My father died at around the same age. It's so ironic that Mr. Russert's death occurred during the weekend when we all take time to think about and honor the man who means the world to most of us.

Every Father's Day weekend is a difficult time for me. I miss my dad every day, and he has been gone now for close to twenty years, as hard as that is for me to fathom. But one thing I have learned over those years is that while life all too often is filled with challenges and hardship, devastation and, sadly, death, we must find within us the will and passion and determination to live each day to its fullest. Every day, no matter what. Every day, as if it could be our last. That is the gist of this post. Please enjoy:

This Is Your Time On Earth

How much time do any of us have? Time on earth? Eight decades, if we're lucky, maybe nine? When you're in your twenties, eighty or ninety years of life seems like a lot of time, doesn't it? And it is, I guess, from a twenty-something's point of view. How about for folks like myself, in their early 50's? Eighty years looks a bit less large. In fact, it looks like a number that is fast approaching and too close to just around the corner.

No matter your age or how eighty or ninety years looks to you in the scheme of things, the purpose of this blog entry (and the attached video, for those who prefer watching and listening versus reading) is to emphasize the importance of time. More to the point: our time on earth. Because no matter if you live to 100 or leave this rock way too early, the thing that will shape your days while alive, as well as fill those days with purpose and meaning, is what you do along the way. What you do each and every day.

Life is precious. Like is boring. Life is amazing. Life is difficult. Life is fun. Life is horrible. Life is happy. Life is sad. Life is the most beautiful thing in the world. Life...is life. There are things that occur every second in this world that make us cringe, shake our heads, cry, and wonder how this could possibly be happening. And yet during that same day, if we are lucky, life will show us how utterly wonderful it is: a cute puppy, a random act of kindness or heroism, a stunning sunset, the love of another human being. My point is this: no matter what life is handing you or how the problems of the world make you feel, you have an obligation to yourself, to the rest of the six billion souls who inhabit this planet. You have to try. Work hard. Strive to be the best you can be. Be kind, caring, considerate. Work to right wrongs, help others, set a good example. But mostly, you have to make YOUR LIFE as complete and fulfilling as possible. By doing all that YOU can to make a difference, to leave a positive mark, to grow and learn and take personal accountability for your actions, to balance your mind, body, and spirit, you are taking care of self. And if everyone did just that--made themselves the best person possible--the world would be that much better a place. Now I'm not saying all that is wrong with this world will suddenly be right, but a lot of it will be. Think about it.

But remember, be it ten years or one hundred, this is YOUR time on earth. And what I feel when I think about that is this: I do not want to waste it. I will not allow anyone or anything to stand in the way of all I want to do during my time here. I embrace this time on earth because it is MY time; as it is YOUR time. And as for me, I want to leave a mark, a legacy, a positive impact. Make my eight or nine, hopefully, ten decades the best they can be. And when I close my eyes at night and it's just me and my higher power, I want to be able to say that I worked hard every day, tried to make a difference, helped others as best I could, and lived my life during my time here on earth to its fullest. And I want you to be able to do the same.

peace,

Mike

Our Issue This Sunday: Bye Tim

Today I'm adding a new feature I call Guest Blog. It's an effort to allow others to take over the virtual mic (not Mike) and deliver a message to the community I'm working to be a part of. The inaugural post comes from my good friend Eric of Multi Media Information. He's played an important role in the development of my livelife365.com website: editing text, helping me with research, creating and refining digital imagery, writing and tweaking code — tweaking just about everything, or at least wanting to. He's not an altogether bad sort, so I'm giving him the floor for a few minutes.

Our Issue This Sunday: Bye Tim


"Did ya hear the news? Tim Russert died." I was shocked. "You're kidding. You're serious?"

Like so much — too much — that is valuable, even irreplaceable, in life, I took Tim Russert for granted. Now I can appreciate that when I went to bed Saturday nights, I typically had one overriding concern: would I be able to arrange my Sunday morning schedule to allow me to watch Meet the Press on the local NBC affiliate? In recent years, there was a replay available on cable, and transcripts and podcasts online. But I was often thirsty for the event, sometimes very much so. I didn't want to let a day or even an hour go by without having the interviews Russert delivered as part of my information package, the material I could use to understand what was going on in the world, anticipate what others would be thinking, and promote my political views.

Barrack Obama appeared on the show in early May, two days before the crucial Indiana and North Carolina primaries. Russert grilled him relentlessly about Reverend Jeremiah Wright, spending, it seemed, the first half-hour pressing for answers regarding the controversial clergyman. I was mildly offended, a bit angry that the candidate I support with great enthusiasm was being subjected to this rigorous interrogation. But I soon realized that nothing could have been more timely and effective at clearing the air, blowing away the smoke generated by what I saw as unwarranted attacks on the senator's character and judgement. He had been cleansed of the mud thrown at him by partisan smearmongers. He had passed the Russert Test; no one could say he hadn't answered the tough questions. In fact, I was quite proud of the calm, patient, understanding demeanor Obama exhibited during the process.

I feel a sense of loss today, one I know I share with many others. And I expect I'll continue to feel that loss for a some time, every Sunday morning when the values I support with such passion — truth, fairness, decency, integrity — no longer have the champion Tim Russert was for their advancement, there in the trenches, fighting for what is best about America.